Basically I'm moving from this Jekyll and Hyde topic to here, where it probably belongs.


Now basically I'm writing a musical based upon a set of characters I've been doing things with for at least six years now. I'm not a musician, so I've not written any music for the songs I'll be posting (I have someone looking into it so we'll see what they come up with), so at the moment they are just poetry and lyrics.


Now this as yet unnamed musical concerns the lives of two wizards in the beginning of the 14th century. Dordran is the younger, and Jorad is the older. And both are brothers.

At its most basic it is a story of revenge and despair. Infact it opens with the death of two characters related to the brothers. Their father Lethorian and their sister Annaliese.

Here is a basic bullet pointed synopsis of the first act (in its simplified, skeletal form so you can see the plot progression):

*Dordran murders his sister out of mercy. And Lethorian perishes in battle.

*Lethorian and the recently deceased Annaliese are seen as silent ghosts at the massive memorial cremation of those who died in the war. In fact Lethorian's and Anna's coffins are the top two on a pyramid of hundreds that will be set flaming. It is during this burning that Lethorian and Anna are welcomed as part of the chorus and are often seen with chorus who sit amongst trees and the stars and even the stone walls of the two castles at points, always watching and singing their silent warnings to our characters.

*Jorad's discontent at his mother's refusal to act when more battles are imminent occurs during the funeral ceremony. At the feast that follows to honour the dead.. This is generally a result of her deep depression. But as Jorad warns her, their enemies will not wait until the year of mourning is passed.

*Dordran leaving his family to study the magical arts and becoming even further enamoured by the dark side of it then ever before. (There are several study sequences that illustrate this scattered throughout this par of the act).

*Jorad leading his men in battle and trying to keep their morale up in the wake of Lethorian's death and several near losses in battle.

*Dordran meeting and falling in love with the daughter of the chieftain of the clan which he is studying with. And the pair's secret love affair that brings Dordran ever closer to darkness.

*Jorad returning home to find Dordran and Leonora visiting the castle. Jorad's wonderful and joyous musical number as he is reunited with his wife and the baby boy he missed the birth of.

*It is also Jorad's wife (I don't have a name for her yet) who overhears Dordran's sung confession to Leonora (when she awakes in the night to feed her baby and wanders the halls of the castle and hears the song. The song where Dordran confesses to his love that he murdered his sister when he was just a boy and then made it look like she had died the result of collateral damage during the war. And much to his joy, Leonora does not shy away but her embraces become more vigorous and the fire between the two grows even stronger.

*Jorad's wife tells him of the confession after she is attacked by Leonora and Dordran (at Leonora's insistence). And as the wounded girl is recovering as Jorad goes to seek out Dordran to find out the truth behind everything, Leonora sneaks in and finishes the job dressed as Dordran.

*Leonora and Dordran sleep together for the first time, whilst confessing their love for one another even when they know they shouldn't. But this duet is interrupted by Jorad and his army who attack Dordran but he stands and defends his love and uses his opportunity to defend himself only to help her escape. However he is captured by the Arturi army and Jorad tells him (after having him chained in the dungeon) that many hours of torture await him until he confesses that he was the one who killed Annaliese. And the where he sent Leonora.

The first act actually ends with Dordran's screams of pain as his torture begins, the chorus singing a reprise of 'A Child's Lament'.

Now a detailed synopsis of how the opening songs fit into the libretto and it should give you an idea of what I would ideally love to see staging-wise.



Act 1:



Germany, Circa 2007


Three friends, American and Australian, are stumbling down a dirty street in Berlin and come across a pub, a tavern, which is not yet closed (the hour is very late). They enter and sit at the bar, order (in stilted German) a few beers. They go and sit down at the only table with any seats left. One man is sitting there, a messy and sad looking crony. This is Dordran and we will learn more about him later. The backpackers try to amble up a conversation with him, but he just continues to down his mug of beer. As the students begin to look around someone pulls out an acoustic guitar. They strum a few notes and the bar erupts into some beer-drinking song (The Poor Wizard). They sing it in German, but as they sing we (the audience) begin to notice words here and there translate into english until the entire verse is sung in english.

As this is occuring Dordran is looking pained and disturbed. The reasons for this will become apparent much later on as our story continues.

It is from here a new setting evolves, the music doing the same as more and more instruments are added... trumpets, violins, cellos, french horns, every instrument one can name. And suddenly the bar splits in two and raises into the air, revealing a two armies throwing clouds of flames out over the stage at each other. We are in:

----------------------------------------------------------

Germany (Arturi Territory), Circa 1307


This is a large field, which once held vast expanses of lillies and grass. Now it holds hundreds of men and women. All engaged in what appears to be a massive war of wizards and witches (The War Song). As this battle ensues we can notice the similarities in the songs each army is singing to the song begun first in the pub. Bit by bit, verse by verse and death by death the set is revealed as one by one the patrons of the bar drop down from their set, and join in the fight (removing their modern costumes and revealing uniforms like the ones the rest of the ensemble are wearing).

Watching from his bedroom window (in the castle tower we'll soon find as the bar set disappears entirely and becomes the bedroom, still high above the stage) Dordran, now young, around 10-11 years old, watches in both horror and fascination as each flame and each bolt of lightning flies across the stage. It is during this number that Dordran attempts to create his own flame (the bedroom set having lowered to hang over the battle which lies forgotten as the lights on it lower) but nothing happens, he hears a squeal beyond his door. He opens it and a teenage girl falls to the floor, burning and in flames. Dordran smothers her with a blanket. As he cradles the burned form of his elder sister in his arms they sing a last lullaby (A Child's Lament). As per her wishes in the duet, Dordran snaps her neck. As this song draws to a close the set raises again and the battle below rages on (The War Song, Reprise)

As the war nears its end Dordran's father Lethorian perishes, and the song draws to a slow and mournful close. And several set pieces (staircases and statues and tapestries representing the inside of the castle foyer) roll onto the stage and force off the enemy army, those left alive dragging the dead off. The successful Arturi army, instead of celebrating victory, are lifting their leader, Lethorian, onto their shoulders and exiting the stage beneath the bedroom set, into a redding light that is sunset as a sad and mournful lament plays (Goodnight, My Friends... Instrumental)

As the army leaves the stage the new set illuminates, the ancient stone staircase and beautiful chandeliers. But no matter how beautiful these things are, it is bedlam. There are people running to and fro, all seeking to retreat from the castle in what they think is certain defeat (The Retreat/Goodnight, My Friends-Reprise... Instrumental). It all comes to a standstill as the army enters throught the massive doors that make up the centre of this new set, carrying Lethorian on their shoulders, like pall-bearers. As one would imagine, this creates a certain amount of interest as Queen Annaliesa (for whom her daughter was named) descends the staircase to see what her army has to tell her, expecting to see her husband alive and well. The men place Lethorian on the ground between them, and surround him. This is an attempt to hide the body from their Queen. But she orders them to reveal their hidden package. One by one they part, revealing the dead body of their king. And Anna's reaction is exactly what one would expect, she screams for Lethorian and then runs to him, cradling him as Dordran had so shortly ago cradled his sister.

Dordran has left his set and is climbing slowly down the steps or the staircase, witnessing that lifeless body. He screams as well and everyone turns and finds him standing there. The Queen orders him taken from the hall, but it takes at least three men to hold him back and as they do so, a chambermaid scrambles down the staircase, yelling that Princess Annaliese is dead, in the most depraved way. Dordran shies away from this statement and as he retreats off the stage, and the whole ensemble sings a mournful lament that leads us into a funeral ceremony as the next scene (A Kingdom's Lament).

Now for the songs.

First, a second draft of the 'A Child's Lament' this is the first completed song, lyrically.


A Child's Lament


Written by T.S. Flynn
Music by: ???




Annaliese and Dordran:

Goodnight, Goodnight --- (Goodnight, Goodnight)
Daytime, Sunlight. --- (Daytime, Sunlight.)
Good day, good day. --- (Good day, good day.)
This month of pain. --- (This month of May.)



Dordran:

Oh please, Oh please
Just breathe, and see.
Stay here, stay here
No fear, I'm here.
In time we'll see
the birds and bees.
The sun will come
And dark will run.
One day, a woman
You will be.
Oh please, Oh please
Just breathe, and see.



Annaliese and Dordran:

Goodnight, Goodnight --- (Goodnight, Goodnight)
The wrong, The right. --- (Daytime, Sunlight.)
The way, the way --- (Good day, good day)
Is clear today. --- (This month of pain.)



Annaliese:

Oh brother, oh friend
This day will end.
By the moon and stars,
My life will pass.
There is only one matter
Left to address.
A favour I ask,
To ease my distress.

Just close your eyes
And do for me.
One final task,
To set me free.



Dordran:
(Spoken)

Anything. Please.



Annaliese:

Take my heart,
And stop it dead.
This pain I feel,
In body, I dread,
Won't stop, won't stop.
Until I'm dead,
Take my hair and stain it red.



Dordran:
(Spoken)

No. Please. Anna. Don't ask me this. Anything else, my sister. Anything.



Annaliese and Chorus and Dordran:

The pain, the pain
You cannot see.
Oh please, Oh please.
Just set me free.
Do this for me,
And you won't regret.
I'll watch for you,
And you'll never fret.
At night, At night. --- And on this night.
I'll be shining bright. --- The stars will cry.
The brightest star, --- As she joins us here.
In the night. --- As this child dies.
All you need do, --- Poor, little girl.
Is look for me. --- There's a price to meet.
High above --- To live amongst
The Western Peaks. --- The stars you seek.


No pain, No pain --- And on this night. --- (Your pain, Your pain.)
In spirit, you see? --- The stars will cry. --- (Do you think I'm blind?)
Oh please, Oh please. --- As she joins us here. ---(There's a way, a way.)
Just set me free. --- As this child dies. --- (Its what we need to find.)



Dordran:

Anna, my Anna
If its the stars you need.
I'll give them to you,
I will set you free.
But know this now,
I'll grow, I will learn.
I'll fly past the clouds,
And WE shall return.



Annaliese and Chorus and Dordran:

Goodnight, Goodnight --- Children, children. --- (Goodnight, Goodnight)
Daytime, Sunlight. --- Please, heed our war-ning. ---(Farewell, our light.)
Good day, Good day --- Think of all those --- (Good day, Good day)
This month of May. --- Whose lives will be lost. ---(Your moments of pain.)

At night, At night --- And on this night --- (So high, So high)
I'll be shining bright. --- We stars will cry. --- (You'll be burning bright.)
The brightest star --- When she joins us here. --- (The most beautiful star)
In the night. --- When this child dies. --- (That lights the night.)

All you need do --- Rivers and mountains. --- (All I need do)
Is look for me --- Will sing for you. --- (Is reach and find you.)
High above --- But can you truly win --- (High up near)
The Western Peaks. --- When she has to lose? --- (The smiling moon.)
Goodnight, Goodnight --- Goodnight, Goodnight --- (Goodnight, Goodnight)
My life, so bright. --- Hear our voices. --- (Unto the light.)
Adieu, Sweet day --- We'll sing as one. --- (Good day, Good day)
Please light my way! --- This child's lament! --- (Please find your way!)

Goodnight, Goodnight --- So, on this day. --- (Goodnight, Goodnight)
My life so bright. --- The sun shines red. --- (Unto the light.)
Adieu, Sweet day --- For the sorrow --- (Good day, this day.)
Please light my way! --- Of this child's lament! --- (Please find your way!)


Please light my... Way! --- This child's... Lament! --- (Please find your way!)

Just a new song. This will occur sometime early-midway through Act 2, after Jorad escapes Dordran and Leonora's torture and vows to find them and exact his revenge. In trying to silence him they find their greatest enemy. And the one who brings about their destruction.

Hope you like it.

The first draft.


Hide And Seek



Written by: T.S. Flynn
Music by:



Jorad:
(Sung)

Why do you no longer play?
Oh. brother, when you loved it once?
There was a game you used to play.
From dawn til dusk you'd hide and hide well.

Hide and Seek.
Hide and Seek.
We never play this game anymore.
Hide and Seek.
Hide and Seek.
But now its time to level the score.


Come out, come out.
Wherever you are.
You cannot hide forever, my friend.
I will seek, I will find.
The stink of the stones is not your godsend.
But where can you be, where can you be?
Why don't you want to come out and play?

Like the day you played and ripped and sliced.
Like the day you preyed and killed... my wife!

Like the day.
Like the day.
You came out to play.
Like the day
Like the day
The day that you had your way.

Why must I seek you out?
Why can you not look at my face?
Why must I follow, follow at so slow a pace?

You will run. You will find.
No shelter, amongst your thieves.
You can try, try to hide.
Hide yourself, your past and memories.
But I'll be here to make you pay. Make you pay for what you've done.

Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
Is it not your favourite game anymore?
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
I'll beat you again, as always before.

Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
I'll be here to number your days.
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
It's justice, and you've a debt to pay.

The women you trust.
The women you love.
The women you bed.
The women you wed.
The hearts that you steal.
The ones you can't heal.
The children you bare.
The people you scare.
I'll always be there
I'll always be there
To make you pay.
Pay the price for what you've done.

To kill your hope.
To feed your pain.
To flood all your days with thunder and rain.

I'll make you bleed.
I'll Destroy your seed.
I'll rape your love.
Because you raped mine.
I'll take your friends.
I'll hang them dead.
For what you've done,
They'll pay in red.

I'll always be here to make your life hell.
I'll always be here to crush every Belle.
All the ones that you love, are not safe from me.
This is Hide and Seek
And you'll never be free.

I am the scorned
The beaten and chained.
I am the beast.
And you are my prey.
I am the devil.
With your soul you must pay.
I am revenge.
I'll have my day.
I'll serve it cold.
It's the best way.
I'll make you pay
I'll make you pay
I'll make you pay.



Oh this is...
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
My newfound favourite game.
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
See your life slide down the drain.
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
Closer and closer I drift to you.
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
As ever, I always do.

Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek.
Vengeance is mine. Vengeance is sweet.
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
Nothing but lies, death and deceit.

All the weapons that you possess
Will be mine, I must confess.
For we are playing, and always have done:

Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek.
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek


Ready or not...

HERE I COME!

And now a list of songs so far either written or planned for this show. And their ideal running times (though this is indeed subject to change).


Act 1

*The Poor Wizard-- A Drinking song in a bawdy pub. 3.00 min
*The War Song-- Illustrates the war that starts the story. 4.00 min
*A Child's Lament-- A tragic children's lullaby. 2.30 min
*The War Song, Reprise-- The end of the first battle. 2.00 min
*Goodnight, My Friends...-- The musical lament and death of a king. 1.40 min
*The Retreat/Goodnight My Friends... Reprise-- A chaotic and then devestating instrumental for the family of Lethorian. 2.20 min
*A Kingdoms Lament-- A traditional Arturi cremation ceremony but for one difference... there are more dead then ever before. 6.15 min
*The Confession/Like A Fire In My Blood-- An erotic duet in which Dordran confesses his sins to Leonora and the two cross the line 6.00 min

Act 2
*Hide And Seek-- Jorad is free, and pissed. He vows his revenge. 3.15 min
*We Are The Ones (Who Shine So High)-- The chorus, the dead, get their chance to shine alone... and thats all they will do it seems. 3.30 min



Okay, thats it so far. Currently I'm working on the first draft of We Are The Ones (Who Shine So High). Would you all like me to post what has been done of it so far?

You know, I really like this. I wish I had time right now to read all of it, I just skimmed, but it sounds really interesting. I'd like to hear more!

And you will, as more becomes available.

Right now I haven't even got music to it.

We Are The Ones (Who Shine So High)


Written by T.S. Flynn
Music By: ???



Lethorian:

There was a life that we once had.
A life at once, was sad and glad.
There was time, when we once walked.
Full of hope, then we could talk.
The Summer highs, we loved so much.
The dancing leaves in the Autumn air.
The Winter ice, too cold to touch.
Then Springtime love, it's so unfair.


Annaliese:

We are the ones that you miss most.
Eternal soul, we are the ghosts.
We sing in hope that you might hear,
Our warnings in your friendly ear.
But more and more, we come to trust.
There is no hope, or life left for us.
No love amongst stars in the air.
Just black and cold, empty despair.



Queen Annaliesa:

Why are the wonders, why is life?
Given to those, who kill and fight?
Why are we the ones forced to stand still?
While all the world spins faster still?
Must they live, while my kingdom fell?
Must they play with fire, when I burn in hell?
How can we help the ones we love?
From behind the bars of this prison above?



All:

We are the ones who shine so high.
We are the ones so bright at night.
We are ones who have to bear.
Our loneliness, here in the air.
We are the ones, We are the ones!
Who shine so high, Only at night.
We know the truth, We see it there.
Up here amongst the loveless air.


Annaliese:

Where are the gates, of heaven high?
Are there none at all? Was it just a lie?
We are the ones who know the truth.
There is no god, nor angels too.
Only cold and empty night.
High up here, where nothing's right.
Oh, Dordran please remember me.
And of the promise to set me free.


Queen Annaliesa:








So far thats all I got. What do you all think so far?

Firstly, when someone responds with two words saying: "It's so good, it's so awesome," don't buy it. Not unless they justify it as much as I will.

Secondly, I'm going to go through this step by step. This may take a while so excuse me. Hopefully it will help you. Thirdly, I haven't read the synopsis you provide so I apologize for any mistakes there. When you are selling a show no producer is going to read that enormous synopsis, they are going to judge you on the selling description. Shocking, but true.

First song:

Goodnight / Sunlight. I think "night/light" is such an obvious, over-used rhyme. Every lyricist uses it at some point. While I have no particular problem with this, lyricists starting out tend to overlook these rhymes. That's OK. I can be cool with that the first time.

There's a rule in theatre that rhymes should be exact. Pop music uses a lot of half-rhymes like "pain/flame" whereas theatre strives for the most exact rhymes. "Good day/pain" is not an exact rhyme, although if your next sentence were to begin with "N" it would make it more interesting. Also, why is a month of pain a good day?

Why breathe? Is there any reason why they should breathe? Is it describing the action of the scene in this incident? Or is it just imagery? "Please/see" don't rhyme either.

Why the birds and bees?

Come/run. And how does dark run?

Why should she breathe to one day be a woman?

Why "the wrong, the right"? Why bid them goodnight?

I like this but way/day is another common rhyme. Try and subvert it.

Stars/pass

This is good.

This is good BUT me/free is another common rhyme.

Is this meant to be enacted "Days Of Our Lives"/"Young And The Restless" style?

What's supposed to be happening here?

Fret???? That seems a little forced to me and it doesn't fit.

Why would you be shining bright? It sounds like a cliche. You have to subvert those. Hymns tend to be cliche, that's why they're so boring, unless you change the lines and screw with the ideas: i.e. the sun is bright, not anymore, the ocean is blue, NOT ANYMORE, the fire burns, the ice freezes, the earth turns, the thunder crashes, the lightning strikes, the pollution intoxicates, the wine's nice, the bread's doughy. What you have to say to yourself is "how am I going to make that sound more interesting?" It's your goal.

Another cliche. Why give her the stars? If you're hell-bent on giving her the stars, give her the planets. Give her the moons of Jupiter

So you have to fly past the clouds so you can grow and learn? I don't get it. And what's past the clouds anyway? College? *shudders* Heaven isn't all it's cracked up to be after all :rolleyes:

I like this imagery of the Western Peaks. You've captured the fantasy imagery beautifully. But peaks doesn't rhyme. Which is a shame as I like it.

I didn't read the synopsis, but does this take place in France?

How can you light the way in a child's lament. A LAMENT is something that's sad, full of misery and regret, how does it light the way? Maybe it should be an aria instead?

I hope you're not offended by this. I'm nobody, really, but I am known to be a ruthless critic when it comes to musical theatre. I'm a lyricist myself and I torture myself over my shows for years on end.

MESSAGE FROM ROCKFENRIS2005:


SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!! I accidentally posted my reply in your post. I was trying to quote from it. I am soo sorry. Well, some of it's still below

No one ever said that.

But I think it sounds boring. Your opening song, under no condition, can't be boring.

No, it isn't. It's not up to the actors to "make" the show either.. This is what "Lestat" and "The Pirate Queen" does. As the writer and lyricist, you have a certain obligation. You're supposed to make the show work, not the actors.

Example? The most influential shows in musical theatre (pretty much) always use full-rhyme. "Showboat", that pivotal first in integrating song and dance with storytelling, uses it. Oscar Hammerstein in all of his collaborations used it. Rodgers & Hart / Rodgers & Hammerstein used it. Cole Porter of "Anything Goes" and "Kiss Me Kate" used it. "Oklahoma!" used it, "Carousel" used it, "South Pacific" used it, "The King & I" used it, "The Sound Of Music" used it, "West Side Story" was Sondheim's first (although he was lyricist) and he's a master, "Gypsy" used it, "Oliver!" was done with cockney accents and used it, "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum" is a humorous show but it doesn't sacrifice rhyme to get the humour, Sondheim manages to do this nicely, "Hello, Dolly!" used it, "Fiddler On The Roof" used it, "The Man Of La Mancha" used it, "Hair" was a rock musical, pop/rock records don't stick to this rule - only musical theatre - "Jesus Christ Superstar" was a first for Tim Rice, only later did he use full rhymes in his work because he was growing and learning, "Company" uses it, "Cabaret" and "Chicago" use it, "Follies" uses it, "Evita" uses it, "Pacific Overtures" and "Sweeney Todd" used it, "Annie" uses it, "Merrily We Roll Along" and "Sunday In The Park With George" used it, "La Cage Aux Folles" used it, "The Phantom Of The Opera" used it, "Into The Woods" used it, "Aspects Of Love", "City Of Angels", "Kiss Of The Spiderwoman", "Sunset Boulevard", "Passion", etc. etc.

They all used it. W.S. Gilbert of Gilbert & Sullivan pioneered the art of lyric-writing. All musical theatre lyricists attain to his benchmark, I.E.

The only shows that don't are rock musicals: "The Rocky Horror Show" being the most famous (and there are LOTS of rock musicals that never got famous.) It's just always been an expectation, as far as I know.

Your job is not only to sell the meaning, and the characterization, but to achieve these rhymes without ruining either. It's a challenge. Lyric-writing is not easy.

Then change the word before that.

I didn't get any sense of this plot from the opening number. It should be explained but not at the expense of spoiling the rest of the show.

Most of the time, they should sound good in both forms. Also, you should try and make each counterpoint sound like the last. Alter the words a little, but convey another meaning because it's the character singing it. Otherwise, when you perform the counterpoint it could sound muddy. Sound design could only make it worse.

You should introduce the selling description first. Once you've hooked me on that I'll read the synopsis. 99% of producers are like this. I'm only reacting with their mindset.

I didn't get a sense of this in any of the lyrics. If I don't read the synopsis, I should get a sense of the story here, even if it's not much. Don't sacrifice the story at the expense of un-necessary or confusing cliche's.

I don't need you to tell me what a metaphor IS. This just isn't an interesting metaphor. Birds and bees? So what, I've heard it in every other song on the radio. Invent a new metaphor.

The metaphor isn't clear then. I got no sense of that happening.

Now I'm just confused.

Again, I got no sense of that in the lyrics. Clarify it. Change it to "black and white", it's more interesting than "wrong and right" anyway.

Children are actually pretty interesting. They're not as "less educated" as we think, they're very perceptive. In this instance, I think the child would say something more intriguing. This is set in a fantasy, right? Well, if it's set in a fantasy you have your own rules. She can say whatever the hell she wants.

The lyrics are so underwhelming for what should be a heartbreaking sequence. Maybe the music is really good though? Still, that's not enough. It's not enough to have a good story and good music, lyric-writing is an art, not a necessity.

Change the first word "day". You're the lyricist, figure it out.

You have to forget about this accent thing, that muddies the waters. Example, "been/in", an American could make that sound like a true rhyme. But it isn't. Read all of Gilbert's shows, read Sondheim's lyrics. These are examples you need to see (if you haven't already.)

I don't care which way they sound, a show should be universal.

When you fail, try, try again. This is never easy. You may go crazy over this.

I think that line is awful.

or

Gaston Leroux introduced that phrase in the book. ALW only incorporated it into the stage-musical.

Except that melodrama is supposed to be interesting. You contradict melodrama when you write something banal.

Why stain her head red?

There's nothing wrong with nursery rhymes, especially when they tell a coherent story with coherent imagery. It has to be that way because children don't want to be confused. Besides, I find nursery rhymes have a lot of creepy undertones that says a lot about their psychology.

Not a lot rhymes with forget.

Why smile down on him? Why can't he smile up at her? Or sideways? Or counter-clockwise? Why does it have to be UP all the time

Dumb? Hundreds of musicals have gone to the boards based on selling descriptions ALONE. It's the business. It may be dumb to you but that's how it is.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

It didn't make sense.

That's great, I like the imagery, the fantasy world is compelling.

What if someone doesn't have time to read the synopsis?

I don't hate anything. I like to help people, especially those who are aspiring to become something in this hag of an industry. Are you anywhere near Melbourne?

R.L.

I'm sorry if this confused you. The lament is not an opening song. Originally it was going to form part of the opening sequence, but in the end I decided to split it off.

The opening song is actually beer drinking song set in modern times, outlining how the world see the events of the musical today. How twisted and almost unrecognisable it is. This is where we are introduced to Dordran, the audience however won't really know that until the scene where we transition back into modern day to see the pub song still flowing and Dordran, the adult we know, exiting and whistling a tune we are now quite familiar with. That of the Lament. And from his whistle the music will take over and then the whole cast will break into the reprise of 'A Child's Lament'. Well... a slightly differed version to encompass the coda to the tale.

The opening song is 'The Poor Wizard' and lyrically speaking its in now way shape or form ready. It leads into the real opener... 'The War Song' in which that simple drinking melody is transformed into a war march of musical and lyrical intencity to rival the clouds of fire engulfing the stage as the actors appear to conjure them up from their very words and gestures. The roar of fire, the screams of dying men, the cheers of an army ready to die to protect their way of life, the beat of the drum, the sounds of the horns.

This is then offputted by the tragic Lament of two children, the lament which sees the accidental death of a sister at the hands of her brother. (We will find out later that Dordran covered her death up to make it look like she died as a result of a fire-ball from the war gone astray).

This is true.

This is also true. But I cannot and will not enslave myself to this simply because its the status-quo.

I can admire and aspire to them. But in trying to live up to the greats all one will get is disappointment. So I can look to them for guidance, but I cannot rest solely on what is already written and to try and emulate that, because that to me is quite simply... not me as a writer or person. And if I have to lie in my words to appease someone...

The only problem I see with this is that to remove the rhyme of day makes the sentence lack the cohesion I feel is there.

Goodnight, Goodnight
Daytime, Sunlight.
Good Day, Good Day
This month of may.

The only line there I am not completely satisfied with at this point in THIS MONTH OF MAY. Thats all.

But as yet I have not found an alternative that feels right to me, and until I can... then I feel it needs to stay as it is... but I just had an idea while writing this sentence.

Watch this space.

You aren't meant to. This detail becomes evident a short while on during the cremation ceremony for the Arturi who perished during the war. There are lines of dialog I have rolling around in my head that fit quite nicely. A Eulogy of sorts. Emphasising that Anna never was trully able to handle the devestation that comes with a war of that magnitude, and indeed war in general. And that her death is the one that must be the final condemnation of all wars (a point not shared by Dordran;s elder brother Jorad who is adament that their enemies will not wait to attack again with their army so depleted and morale so low).

I try not to reveal things before their time. Believe me each and every plot hole you have mentioned is covered further on in the musical journey. A writer does not reveal all to his audience at once... not matter how satisfying it might seem.

This I can't understand. What do you mean in the context of the Lament about the words conveying a different meaning? If you follow the song they do. What Anna say and what Dordran says are only similar because each is trying to calm the other. Dordran trying give his sister hope and Anna trying ease Dordran into the inevitable truth. This is the only similarity. Was this not obvious to you? It was obvious to me. Must I assume the audience for this are half-witted and idiotic monkeys who cannot understand something without having to be beat over the head with it?

If you insist.


This is a story of magic. This is a story of murder. This is the story of two brothers. Wizards. Both powerful and both devastated by a war that leads the youngest on a path of self and physical destruction, a path that destroys what bond the two brothers might have had and a path that leads the eldest on twisting road of vengeance that destroys all that both men hold dear to them. Their family, their children, their women... everything. It ends only when one makes a sacrifice that will be sung about even 700 years after it has been made.



How did that sound... were you a producer or whatnot how much interest would that pique to you? I find it sets the tone pretty well and yet is vague enough so the entire plot can't be seen from the one sentence, just the universal and human aspects of it.

The very fact that she is burned and blacked and actually on fire when she enters the scene isn't enough of a give-away that she's dying and might wanna speed up the process?

Must I hand everything out to an audience on a silver platter? I mean surely they can't be THAT stupid?

There is nothing new to invent. But be that as it may, I see your point. I will give the matter some thought. I will be sure to keep everyone noted on any new drafts.

The first thing I feel needs to be done is get the damn story on paper, sort out where songs will need to go, get some basic lyrics down and tweak-tweak-tweak until they are ready. Is this not the process I should be following?

Really? I actually thought it was quite obvious. I mean the words themselves say that he's trying to keep her calm, thinking or birds and bees and such, and she's trying to ease him into her death by promising that she'll always be there in the sky if he just cares to look for her there.

I can't see it. I mean aside from racial undertones that go with those lyrics (undertones which I don't think need to be there as there is already too much happening without the need for that) they sound much the same.

The black, the white
The wrong, the right.


I could take it or leave it really, they are both equal in my eyes.

I'm not writing Dawson's Creek here. A 13 year old girl should not in any way shape or form sound like a 40 year old woman.

As epic as the setting of the story is, it is in its heart a personal piece. So beyond all the magic and fire and brimstone, they are people. They think and feel exactly the same as anyone their age. So the two children sound like they are supposed to. Dordran with the single-mindedness of a child and Anna with wide-eyed fantasies of a tween on the cusp of puberty.

So fantasy or no, these characters are human and think and feel as all humans do.

This I understand and as I recieve the music for this that goes beyond the simple melody I hear accompanying the words in my, the song shall evolve. You can be sure of that.

Even now some of your suggestions are wending their way through the songs I have planned. Not all, as I've said I;m not gonna chain myself down too much, but some valuable ideas this discussion has given me.

So I guess the best thing for it is to create some sort of vocal demo with whatever musical accompaniment I get back from a friend of mine who I gave the song to to look at (I won't get it back for at least a day or two).

Don't I know it.

Its why I put these songs on here in the first place. They were lacking something. I can't, even now, put my finger on it exactly, but something that they need to shine. Especially 'Hide and Seek' a song in the first draft stages and while it looks like an exciting song to me... there is just something peculiar that needs to be corrected. But I am biased towards these things, as is any writer, and having a third party perspective to shed light on something I myself might be refusing to see on the grounds of emotional attachment to the characters and project can do nothing but help.

Shes using a figure of speech. Is she not allowed to do that? Hair generally goes a reddish color when blood seeps into it. She's just making sure he gets the point without resorting to actually saying 'kill me' which would make her seem like a psychotic bitch.

I;m simply trying work up some sympathy for the pair, and it sound cool, so sue me.

Because thats where heaven is in literature. Thats where the stars are. You can't really see high above the western peaks unless you look up in some way can you?

And living people hardly need to watch over the dead now do they? Its the dead who watch over us.

He;s an 11 year old kid. Nothing he says is gonna make sense. He's not being literal. I mean is anyone really gonna see this song as literal given that they are poetically avoiding saying things directly.

Flying past the clouds to the stars sounds a hell of a lot more like something a child would say then 'I'm gonna study my freaking ass off and find the way to bring you back' doesn't it?

You're telling me. You should try having it all bottled up in your brain for six years. You think its gone for a while but then it just explodes back into your life when you see, hear, smell or think of something that makes the world even more real to you.

I've known Dordran and Jorad as characters longer than half my real friends. In a away they are my outlet. They say and do things I can't. Because they exist in a world of magic and might.

Then I would suggest hiring someone to look through them, or better yet to read them out loud while said someone sits there sipping their latte and smoking fifty dollar bills filled with a mixture of magic mushrooms and pot. All the while some hot secretary gives their knob a shine job.

Seriously, though. Thats what they invented the people below you in the food chain for. Besides its not like I'm gonna read the whole freaking play out to them if I'm pitching. The goal for a pitch as I'm sure you know, is to convince them you have the greatest idea/script/music that has ever graced this earth. That your idea and your idea alone is gonna make everyone even richer than they already are.


And as such I would emphasize spectacle the likes of which has never been seen on stage before. Gigantic battles between armies... on stage. Explosions of flames engulfing the stage, men dying in song left, right and centre. Battles that cinema itself is only just now beginning to do justice to. All this tempered with a story that delves deep into the recess of the dark-side of the human psyche and pulls you through a tale of murder, sex and revenge and takes you on a thrill ride from modern day, into a land full of magic and might. A land where war is but a pale shade of the whole.


I would of course be stretching the truth just a tad, but who doesn't?

Canberra actually. I wouldn't survive in Melbourne... I can never get my head around the strange turning procedures... left to go right, right to go left... its crazy I tell you.



And you needn't explain yourself. If you hated the work at all I doubt you would even have responded.

But you did. Which leads me to believe that you see something in this project, hell even in that one short song, that is worth me persuing. And that means more than any YES MAN suck up crap ever could.


Cheerio.


T.S. Flynn

In this case, there goes (most of) my argument :blink:

I'm not asking you to, that would be silly. All I'm saying is to be a little more mindful. If you checked out their stuff (if you haven't already) you can always say "how can I be better?" Impossible, right? Well, your determination is to say: "I'll be better" even if no one believes you.

That's not what I meant. I mean, I love all that stuff, but I don't write shows like it. You're speaking to someone who's writing an all-female vampire opera, a musical trilogy that results in world destruction, a song-cycle with the aim of the Olympic Games, a heavy metal opera about cannibals, a "Faust" set in the show-business arena, a musical with a killer clown and the conclusion to American's greatest fairy tale. My first show was about a killer house. I once worked on a show that was going to be a "splatter" / puppet horror with audience interraction :blink:

I will.

You don't have to tell me that. I'm relieved to hear this.

I wouldn't consider myself half-witted, or idiotic, but technically I am a monkey (aren't we all?) I just saw nothing really lamentable in that last verse. The character seemed to find hope. In a lament, you don't find hope.

I really liked this, congratulations. Refine it a little and use it.

Unfortunately, yes, they are. You would be too if all there was were Disney musicals and "Legally Blonde" :blink:

Yes, there IS. I wrote a song called "The Fires Of Heaven". Check out Jim Steinman's work. He subverts these cliche's all the time. He wrote songs like "Bat Out Of Hell", "Paradise By The Dashboard Light", "Making Love Out Of Nothing At All", "Total Eclipse Of The Heart", "Holding Out For A Hero", "It's All Coming Back To Me Now", "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)", "Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are", "Everything Louder Than Everything Else", "Original Sin", "The Future Ain't What It Used To Be", "If It Ain't Broke (Break It)", "What Part Of My Body Hurts The Most?" Notice something about those titles? They all sound bizarre but they're cliche's, twisted ones.

Example:

"Once upon a time I was falling in love
Now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart."

If you can write a lyric like that, completely original and from your heart, you've probably SOLD your characters completely. And this is the kind of stuff you can improve on. Steinman thinks "Bat Out Of Hell" is the ultimate car-crash song, I dared to go further with "She's Gonna Blow!"

It depends, everyone works differently. But I see nothing wrong with this.

Yeah, alright. I see your point.

What about Haley Joel Osmet in "The Sixth Sense"? Linda Blair in "The Exorcist"?

These things always evolve

That's all I've tried to do. Of course I don't expect you to take every bit of advice, or even any.

Hearing it is also good. Might I also suggest, once it's complete, to meet with an advisor and perform a reading. I've done these many times, they're either excruciating or really cool.

Yep.

No, not unless we know what she means. Also, why does the day have to be light and cheery? Why does the night have to be dark and cold? Play around with this, you'll have a lot of fun.

Calling my lawyer as we speak :D

How high are the peaks? I mean, once you've scaled the peaks why would you want to look up? When you've scaled the peaks, you'd want to look down, look at the panorama beneath you.

OK, you may be right, but are the other lyrics like this? If you're speaking from the characters, it should work.

You're like me then. I always wanted to be an author, although I did theatre beforehand. I was affected by 9/11 and couldn't write big fantasy stories anymore. I began a grisly satirical piece which I've been developing for 6 years (same as you). It's a forbidden fairy tale, perhaps even a satire of the English invading America / Australia, exterminating the dream-world of the natives. Here, the real people invade a fantasy land. The royals go insane, watching their legacy die then dying themselves. Their son seeks revenge on a colossal scale, until he gets his world back. It's insane. It's always evolved, new stories emerging, plotpoints and episodes, lyrics etc. etc. etc. I'm premiering it on the internet this year.

Why would they blow money just to get through their slush-pile? Do you know what the more ruthless ones do? They take unsolicited manuscripts :D , they pick them up :D , smirk and grin :D , walk to the shredder :D , laugh and clap their hands, :D and dump the package IN :D

Absolutely. But...

If you walk into someone's office with the best pitch, they'd still feel uneasy if you said "spectacle". With the cost of shows these days, spectacles take years, sometimes decades, to get on. I'm almost positive the mega-musical is gone. My shows aren't mega-musicals, they're eccentric and operatic. You can market them, don't get me wrong, but they can be done on the cheap. What you have to succeed in doing is not only create a piece that can be done as a spectacle (with explosions and battle-scenes etc.) but as an intimate piece. Look at "Joseph". Everything I write could be done in a pub OR a theatre in Vegas (and it took 4 YEARS for me to perfect that.)

Lying can be creative. As long as you can live up to it, no harm done :D

Exactly. I respond because I'm interested to hear new people approaching musical theatre. It proves that the passion is still there, that Hollywood giants haven't taken over and expanded their franchise. We need people like you. Just make sure you've got a daytime job. Trust me :unsure:

If it happens, I'm there.

Not entirely. You have given a fair amount to think about. But as this is all still way to early in the creative process to really sell right now (and I'm not sure if I'd be all that comfortable giving a project that means so much to me emotionally to a suit to run if I had no say in the project) but ten years down the track... who knows.

In this you are correct. But I don't want to go too much either way. If I abandon the strictures of the format all-together then unless its trully something original and brilliant, it will come across as amateur.

On the other hand if I follow too closely it will come across as just another show amongst the many.

So its really a fine line (to borrow a line from one of the musicals this site was set up for) to walk.

Thats some strange shit, right there.

This is actually my first. I've had the story and the characters with me so long and have tried and re-tried them in so many different formats, and I felt the spectacle and mythology of the story lent itself so well to the stage and music that I owed it to myself to at least try.

Monkey, no. They are Simians. Apes... yes. Primates to be exact, but point taken.

I'm not sure how else it can end really. She asked to die and he is obliging. Either way she;s getting what she wants despite the warnings from the dead that are amongst the stars and the set.

Perhaps the song should be re-labeled then? Though I'm not exactly sure what, but it'll come to me at some point.

The funny thing is... the very fact one can even discuss so many aspects in one song proves to me its already better than half the bullshit that one hears today. If I can understand everything about a song after one listen... then I failed miserably as a writer.

Not bad for something I just made up off the top of my head.

Despite the opening battle (it came about because I wanted to see if a Lord of The Rings style battle could be done on stage, and because I wanted to open the show with a bang) the show is actually quite intimate.

Two main characters and maybe a dozen others who have lines.

Aside from the opening it could all just as easily be performed in a community theatre (albeit quite less spectacularly) as on the west end or broadway.

I actually like Legally Blonde curiously enough. Its not Shakespeare, but it was fun and entertaining.

Now I like Disney, Aladdin and The Lion King are two of my favourite movies ('A Whole New World' is one of the best songs ever written for any of their shows), but Disney can be a bit full of themselves.

Their best work to date has been in conjunction with Pixar. Disney has values seldom seen these days but Pixar has the brains and braun to implement that without having to pander to the lowest common denominator all the time.

The Incredibles was amazing. And Finding Nemo showed how Disney can trully shine.


So don't write Disney off completely. When they are bad, its trully aweful. But when they're good, they shine.

Mentioning Total Eclipse of The Heart to me is the wring way, dude. I hate that song with a passion and always will do. Me and it don't mesh well.

Now Paradise By The Dashboard Light, however... theres a song. One of the best damn driving songs ever written (the best has to go Sweet Home Alabama).



I've gotta go, others in the house need the computer. I'll finish this up later.


With Regards


T.S. Flynn

Just some updated lyrics for my latest song.



We Are The Ones (Who Shine So High)


Written by T.S. Flynn
Music By: ???



Lethorian:

There was a life that I once had.
A life at once, sad and glad.
There was time, when not even night,
Could destroy my will to fight.
The Summer highs, I loved so much.
The dancing leaves in the Autumn air.
The Winter ice, too cold to touch.
Then Springtime love, it's so unfair.


Annaliese:

I am the one that you missed most.
Eternal soul, I am the ghost.
That sings in hope that you might hear,
My warnings in your friendly ear.
But more and more, I come to trust.
There is no hope, or life left for us.
No love amongst stars in the air.
Just black and cold, empty despair.



Queen Annaliesa:

Why are the wonders, why is life?
Given to those, who kill and fight?
Why am I forced to stand still?
While all the world spins faster still?
And must they live to destroy their lives?
Is there nothing I can do but cry?
How can I help the ones I loved?
From behind the bars of this prison above?



All:

We are the ones who shine so high.
We are the ones so bright at night.
We are ones who have to bear.
Our loneliness, here in the air.
We are the lonely, we wish for life.
It is a curse to shine so high.


Annaliese:

Where are the gates of heaven high?
Are there none at all? Was it just a lie?
It's now I see the frightening truth.
There are no gods, nor angels too.
Only the vast absence of light.
To seperate us all from the joys of life.
Oh, Dordran please remember me.
And the promise you made to bring me... home!.


Queen Annaliesa:

Can they not see the dark they'll find?
When the fire stops and there's no more life.
They are my sons, they need me so.
Show me the path and I will go.
Why does there have to be no way?
To save the love they've thrown away.
They'll burn it all if I can't help.
It is their souls they've chosen to sell.

Lethorian:

I miss the fight, I miss the life,
That I once led, why did I have to die?
The excitement of the battlefront.
The songs of war, every groan and grunt.
I miss the songs we used to sing,
On our returns, I was a king.
The burning heat of my Anna's touch,
After the feast, when we loved so much.






How does that fit? The song is still unfinished we have some more chorus to do and the final verse they all sing as one.


But okay so far guys?

Flynn 19

Just my newest, its still very unfinished. Its basically the start of Dordran's seduction by Leonora, and the confession thats overheard by Jorad's wife.



The Confession/Like a Fire In My Blood


Written by: T.S. Flynn
Music by:???




Leonora:
(Spoken)


When are you going to tell me, Dordran?


Dordran:
(Spoken)


There's nothing to tell.


Leonora:
(Spoken)


You can't fool ME Dordran. Every time I ask of your child-hood, you lie and then change the subject. Do you forget that it is within my power to see past your words and into your thoughts?


Dordran:
(Spoken)

And do YOU forget who it was that taught YOU how to do that? And do you also forget that when we began this partnership, we agreed NOT to use these techniques to spy on each other?



Leonora:
(Spoken)

And I haven't. The techniques I use are my own. Besides, it is plain to all that you do not enjoy being back within your castle walls. The truth emanates from you like the scent of our lily flowers. It's there for all to see.

(Sung)

Surely you realise that I do not give up?
Surely you've noticed that I persevere?
I will not let the matter go by the wayside
One way or another your truth will out here.


Dordran:
(Spoken)

How dare you threaten me. Have I not been good to you? Has my undivided love and attention not shown you wonders beyond words? I've never asked of your life before me, and I never expected it of you.

(Sung)

What right have you to pry into my past?
The truths and events that are my own to bear.
I ask of you only your love and your support.
Is it too much to ask, is it so unfair?


Leonora:
(Spoken)

How can I give myself, and my love, to someone I don't know.


Dordran:
(Spoken)

You know me well enough. You know I will love you until my dying day. You know I will protect you and spend my life finding new ways to-


Leonora:
(Sung)

I don't know why you live.
I don't know why you fight.
I only know I want to give,
Myself to you tonight.

Before I do, there are things
To be said, and to be sung.
Before you feel the love I bring
You must leave nothing unsung.


Dordran:
(Sung)

But if you knew the things I've done,
You'd see me in a different light.
The words til now remain unsung,
The words that haunt me in the night.

Must I relive that horrid sin?
Just to appease your appetite?
Why can't we just feel our skin,
Burn with heat until the light?


Leonora:
(Sung)

If you crave my fire, crave my love, crave my skin.
The give me your horrors, misdeeds and your sins.
It's my bargain, my flesh, my love I'll give to you.
Think only of the things that I could do to you.
I know how you think, Your lust thrusts like a sword.
To pleasurable heights to which no others have soared.


Dordran:
(Sung)

I want you completely.
I love you so deeply.
In flesh and in soul.
My truth will be told.


Leonora:
(Sung)

I want you completely.
To love me so deeply.
Feel my flesh and my soul.
I'm yours to behold.


Dordran:
(Spoken)

I wrote this letter long ago. Long before I met you. I wrote it because I couldn't bring myself to say the words. It was originally intended for my family. But as the years went by my resolve died away and eventually I packed the letter away entirely. I want you to read it... it will save me having to save the words.


Leonora:
(Spoken)

I want to hear it from you. You must tell me. Those words on those pages mean nothing. Nothing at all. All that matters to me are sounds that come from your heart. Words that flow into my ears.


Dordran:
(Sung)

Do you really wish to know, about a people close to death?
I was with Anna when she took her last breath.
Do you really want to know how my sister paid the price?
First her eyes went blank and then her skin turned to ice.


Leonora:
(Spoken)

That was terrible... to be there when she died. Go on...


Dordran:
(Sung)

You must understand, I was only a child.
Entranced by the war that was raging outside.
Thunderbolts, Clouds of fire, Magic in its darkest form.
Split the sky, caught my eye and in my heart I was torn.

I was raised to see the light, to turn away from the night.
I was taught to shun the wrong, I was taught to love the right.
The darkness drew me to its depths, seduced me with it power.
So I tried to emulate what I saw from my tower.


---------------------------------------




As you can see the confession of Dordran is incomplete. Just wanted some feedback on how its going so far.

With Regards


T.S. Flynn

Just a detailed synopsis of the Kingdoms lament scene for you to add to the rest pf the synopsis... tell us what you think.




Dordran has left his set and is climbing slowly down the steps or the staircase, witnessing that lifeless body. He screams as well and everyone turns and finds him standing there. The Queen orders him taken from the hall, but it takes at least three men to hold him back and as they do so, a chambermaid scrambles down the staircase, yelling that Princess Annaliese is dead, in the most depraved way. Dordran shies away from this statement and as he retreats off the stage, and the whole ensemble sings a mournful lament that leads us into a funeral ceremony as the next scene (A Kingdom's Lament part 1, Instrumental).

As this begins, we can see a pyramid move forward, a pyramid of coffins with two standing upright on the very top, these are Lethorian and Anna's. As the whole cast, now taking the place of Arturi family, all file into the seats facing a podium with a portrait of Lethorian and Anna on either side, and smaller inscriptions of the dead on the stone slab on which the podium stands. Once everyone has taken seats, an adult Jorad and his little brother Dordran near the front, Queen Annaliesa approaches the podium and makes a passionate and heart-rending lament on Lethorian, her daughter and the rest of the fallen and how they now will become stars, as befits death in Arturi religion (A Kingdom's Lament part 2). It is at this point that a whole chorus dressed in white are seen on the retractable bridge-set above the pyramid and sing a choral, and entirely disunderstandable vocal that is clearly grief put into song. The ghosts of Lethorian and Annaliese ascend the stair cases on either side of the stage and join those draped in white, each step they take igniting a level of the oyramid until the entire pyramid is ablaze. By the end of the lament, the entire cast is singing in unison the dark and beautiful homage to their brothers and sisters and Anna and Lethorian have been stripped of their earthly clothing and draped in white robes and are welcomed amongst the stars on the bridge. As the lights on the stars/chorus dim and they turn away from those on the stage the pyramid goes dark and slides back into the darkness back-stage. And the lament becomes something else enitrely as new set pieces are deposited on stage.

A new scene rises, a chaotic and wonderfully happy ballet (The Feast, Instrumental) which displays the feast after the cremation ceremony. Minor cast are dancing around joyously, and it all ends with everyone sitting at a long wooden table, with Annaliesa at the head of the table and the child Dordran and adult Jorad beside her.

Anna tells everyone to eat and they all do, all except the Queen herself and Jorad, they begin their conversation and the lights on the rest of the table dim and so our focus is at the head where Jorad, Anna, Dordran and Jorad's young wife Adelaide are sitting. Our attention has come to their conversation about where they go from this point and that Dordran should be entered into the army training so that he can learn to defend the kingdom from the enemies that will not rest at this terrible juncture but actually attack harder and harder in the Arturi's time of weakness (Jorad's Advice).

And the next few scenes that are leading us slowly to the point where we will jump ahead in time via an ensemble number that illustrates the next decade or so for our characters (including the birth of Jorad's daughter, which he is not present for, and Queen Annaliesa's own tribulations on trying to run her kingdom by herself as well as keep her family together. It also serves to illustrate Dordran's transition from boy, to man, and the various studies he undertakes at the distant country where his other has sent him to prevent him from joining the Arturi army).

These scenes you are about to read leave directly off from the scenes in the previous post.






As per this song, Annaliesa (in her depression and mourning) refuses to let Dordran be trained as a soldier. She sings to Jorad that they must hold onto traditions and if he chooses to go off and fight wars then he will do it without the sanction of his queen and mother and without support from the Arturi army who will march only on her orders. Jorad storms out of this feast, and his wife Adelaide follows.

The scene changes here as we follow for the first time, Jorad. His chambers appear and he sits on his bed and the lights on the feast die, leaving only the small corner bedroom set. Adelaide enters the scene and sits next to Jorad, and she begins her own plea for her husband to stay, at least for a while, before heading off to war again (Your Fight Is Here), so that they can begin the family they had agreed to create and the ties between himself and his own family can be mended. But Jorad refuses, telling her that if they don't defend the territory then there will not be any place left to raise an Arturi family, and that its his family that choose not to see that. Eventually seeing his point, the two fall into bed and consumate one last time before the morning, when Jorad will depart and attempt to rally his troops into disobeying a direct order from their Queen.

On the other side of the stage a new scene arises as the old one dims, another bedroom set. This time its Queen Annaliesa sitting at the foot of the young Dordran's bed, she is reading (singing) him a story from an old and dusty book that is ancient even at this early stage in human society, a story about the triumph of family over adversity, the story of the first Arturi King and Queen who created the mighty kingdom from the ashes of poverty and squalor. All around the bed and walls of the set, lights spin and change shapes from animals, to clouds, to people, to battles, to children and back again, over and over (Bedtime Story). This all ends as Dordran falls asleep, and the swirling masses of colour fade. And Queen Annaliesa sets the book down and walks over to the window and begins a song about the dread she feels for Dordran, and her sadness at the deteriorating state of her reign, of her relationship with her eldest son and of the things that she and Lethorian have shared over the years (What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?).

As the scene ends with Anna ascending a staircase, out of sight, a riotous scene awakens in the centre of the stage and indeed over most of it. Dozens of Arturi soldiers have continued the celebrations from earlier in a fashion that only an army can, by drinking and playfighting and telling of their greatest battles in a drunken stupor, but Jorad interrupts and the song takes a different turn as he sings for his men to make sure that their losses are not in vain and to create more stories to sing about, to write about and to ensure that the Arturi legacy lives on long after their deaths (Salute The King (Of Battles Gone By)).

Just another update... the basic scene list as it lies thus far for Act 1.



Prologue



Germany, Circa 2007


Three friends, American and Australian, are stumbling down a dirty street in Berlin and come across a pub, a tavern, which is not yet closed (the hour is very late). They enter and sit at the bar, order (in stilted German) a few beers. They go and sit down at the only table with any seats left. One man is sitting there, a messy and sad looking crony. This is Dordran and we will learn more about him later. The backpackers try to amble up a conversation with him, but he just continues to down his mug of beer. As the students begin to look around someone pulls out an acoustic guitar. They strum a few notes and the bar erupts into some beer-drinking song (The Poor Wizard). They sing it in German, but as they sing we (the audience) begin to notice words here and there translate into english until the entire verse is sung in english.

As this is occuring Dordran is looking pained and disturbed. The reasons for this will become apparent much later on as our story continues.

It is from here a new setting evolves, the music doing the same as more and more instruments are added... trumpets, violins, cellos, french horns, every instrument one can name. And suddenly the bar splits in two and raises into the air, revealing a two armies throwing clouds of flames out over the stage at each other. We are in:

----------------------------------------------------------

Act 1


Germany (Arturi Territory), Circa 1307



Scene 1:


This is a large field, which once held vast expanses of lillies and grass. Now it holds hundreds of men and women. All engaged in what appears to be a massive war of wizards and witches (The War Song). As this battle ensues we can notice the similarities in the songs each army is singing to the song begun first in the pub. Bit by bit, verse by verse and death by death the set is revealed as one by one the patrons of the bar drop down from their set, and join in the fight (removing their modern costumes and revealing uniforms like the ones the rest of the ensemble are wearing).

Watching from his bedroom window (in the castle tower we'll soon find as the bar set disappears entirely and becomes the bedroom, still high above the stage) Dordran, now young, around 10-11 years old, watches in both horror and fascination as each flame and each bolt of lightning flies across the stage. It is during this number that Dordran attempts to create his own flame (the bedroom set having lowered to hang over the battle which lies forgotten as the lights on it lower) but nothing happens, he hears a squeal beyond his door. He opens it and a teenage girl falls to the floor, burning and in flames. Dordran smothers her with a blanket. As he cradles the burned form of his elder sister in his arms they sing a last lullaby (A Child's Lament). As per her wishes in the duet, Dordran snaps her neck. As this song draws to a close the set raises again and the battle below rages on (The War Song, Reprise)

As the war nears its end Dordran's father Lethorian perishes, and the song draws to a slow and mournful close. And several set pieces roll onto the stage and force off the enemy army, those left alive dragging the dead off. The successful Arturi army, instead of celebrating victory, are lifting their leader, Lethorian, onto their shoulders and exiting the stage beneath the bedroom set, into a redding light that is sunset as a sad and mournful lament plays (Goodnight, My Friends... Instrumental)



Scene 2:


As the army leaves the stage the new set illuminates, the ancient stone staircase and beautiful chandeliers. But no matter how beautiful these things are, it is bedlam. There are people running to and fro, all seeking to retreat from the castle in what they think is certain defeat (The Retreat/Goodnight, My Friends-Reprise... Instrumental). It all comes to a standstill as the army enters throught the massive doors that make up the centre of this new set, carrying Lethorian on their shoulders, like pall-bearers. As one would imagine, this creates a certain amount of interest as Queen Annaliesa (for whom her daughter was named) descends the staircase to see what her army has to tell her, expecting to see her husband alive and well. The men place Lethorian on the ground between them, and surround him. This is an attempt to hide the body from their Queen. But she orders them to reveal their hidden package. One by one they part, revealing the dead body of their king. And Anna's reaction is exactly what one would expect, she screams for Lethorian and then runs to him, cradling him as Dordran had so shortly ago cradled his sister.

Dordran has left his set and is climbing slowly down the steps or the staircase, witnessing that lifeless body. He screams as well and everyone turns and finds him standing there. The Queen orders him taken from the hall, but it takes at least three men to hold him back and as they do so, a chambermaid scrambles down the staircase, yelling that Princess Annaliese is dead, in the most depraved way. Dordran shies away from this statement and as he retreats off the stage, and the whole ensemble sings a mournful lament that leads us into a funeral ceremony as the next scene (A Kingdom's Lament part 1, Instrumental).



Scene 3:


As this begins, we can see a pyramid move forward, a pyramid of coffins with two standing upright on the very top, these are Lethorian and Anna's. As the whole cast, now taking the place of Arturi family, all file into the seats facing a podium with a portrait of Lethorian and Anna on either side, and smaller inscriptions of the dead on the stone slab on which the podium stands. Once everyone has taken seats, an adult Jorad and his little brother Dordran near the front, Queen Annaliesa approaches the podium and makes a passionate and heart-rending lament on Lethorian, her daughter and the rest of the fallen and how they now will become stars, as befits death in Arturi religion (A Kingdom's Lament part 2). It is at this point that a whole chorus dressed in white are seen on the retractable bridge-set above the pyramid and sing a choral, and entirely disunderstandable vocal that is clearly grief put into song. The ghosts of Lethorian and Annaliese ascend the stair cases on either side of the stage and join those draped in white, each step they take igniting a level of the pyramid until the entire pyramid is ablaze. By the end of the lament, the entire cast is singing in unison the dark and beautiful homage to their brothers and sisters and Anna and Lethorian have been stripped of their earthly clothing and draped in white robes and are welcomed amongst the stars on the bridge. As the lights on the stars/chorus dim and they turn away from those on the stage the pyramid goes dark and slides back into the darkness back-stage. And the lament becomes something else enitrely as new set pieces are deposited on stage.

A new scene rises, a chaotic and wonderfully happy ballet (The Feast, Instrumental) which displays the feast after the cremation ceremony. Minor cast are dancing around joyously, and it all ends with everyone sitting at a long wooden table, with Annaliesa at the head of the table and the child Dordran and adult Jorad beside her.

Anna tells everyone to eat and they all do, all except the Queen herself and Jorad, they begin their conversation and the lights on the rest of the table dim and so our focus is at the head where Jorad, Anna, Dordran and Jorad's young wife Adelaide are sitting. Our attention has come to their conversation about where they go from this point and that Dordran should be entered into the army training so that he can learn to defend the kingdom from the enemies that will not rest at this terrible juncture but actually attack harder and harder in the Arturi's time of weakness (Jorad's Advice). As per this song, Annaliesa (in her depression and mourning) refuses to let Dordran be trained as a soldier. She sings to Jorad that they must hold onto traditions and if he chooses to go off and fight wars then he will do it without the sanction of his queen and mother and without support from the Arturi army who will march only on her orders. Jorad storms out of this scene, and his wife Adelaide follows.

Scene 4:
The scene changes here as we follow for the first time, Jorad. His chambers appear and he sits on his bed and the lights on the feast die, leaving only the small corner bedroom set. He sings his own ballad, asking his dead father what he is to do now that his mother has ordered him to halt their defenses until the year of mourning is over (What Can I Do?), and his father, now one of the stars can be seen singing his advice to his son, but Jorad cannot hear him, or see him. Adelaide enters the scene as this ballad ends and sits next to Jorad, and she begins her own plea for her husband to stay, at least for a while, before heading off to war again (Your Fight Is Here), so that they can begin the family they had agreed to create and the ties between himself and his own family can be mended. But Jorad refuses, telling her that if they don't defend the territory then there will not be any place left to raise an Arturi family, and that its his family that choose not to see that. Eventually seeing his point, the two fall into bed and consumate one last time before the morning, when Jorad will depart and attempt to rally his troops into disobeying a direct order from their Queen.

On the other side of the stage a new scene arises as the old one dims, another bedroom set. This time its Queen Annaliesa sitting at the foot of the young Dordran's bed, she is reading (singing) him a story from an old and dusty book that is ancient even at this early stage in human society, a story about the triumph of family over adversity, the story of the first Arturi King and Queen who created the mighty kingdom from the ashes of poverty and squalor. All around the bed and walls of the set, lights spin and change shapes from animals, to clouds, to people, to battles, to children and back again, over and over (Bedtime Story). This all ends as Dordran falls asleep, and the swirling masses of colour fade. And Queen Annaliesa sets the book down and walks over to the window and begins a song about the dread she feels for Dordran, and her sadness at the deteriorating state of her reign, of her relationship with her eldest son and of the things that she and Lethorian have shared over the years (What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?). During this, Anna decides she must send away her youngest child, so that he may never have to enter into military service and henceforth never end up like Lethorian and so many others in the battles.

Scene 5:
As the scene ends with Anna ascending a staircase, a riotous scene awakens in the centre of the stage and indeed over most of it. Dozens of Arturi soldiers have continued the celebrations from earlier in a fashion that only an army can, by drinking and playfighting and telling of their greatest battles in a drunken stupor, but Jorad interrupts and the song takes a different turn as he sings for his men to make sure that their losses are not in vain and to create more stories to sing about, to write about and to ensure that the Arturi legacy lives on long after their deaths (Salute The King (Of Battles Gone By)). Coming to a rousing close, the Army have dressed in battle gear and depart from the stage.

As this fades, the lights raise on a new scene. Queen Annaliesa is sitting back at the empty feast table, crying. But then the ghostly form of her daughter appears and takes off her white neutral mask that was given to her by the other stars in the funeral. And like Jorad and Lethorian the two sing a duet. This time however, Anna is trying to console her mother as her mother sings once again of her despair and of having to send her own son away (Lonely Amongst Us). But this is quickly interrupted by Adelaide who enters to tell her Queen what her husband has left to do... (You Are Betrayed). Realising that the time to do what she has to draws near as there will be more and more losses as her army fights the many, Queen Annaliesa runs off stage, to fetch her son who is still sleeping when we see her enter his set and pick him up, place him on a persian floor carpet. She sings a spell (Fly, Fly, Fly Away). and the carpet begins to rise majestically off the floor and as the music reaches its crescendo and Anna reaches her last, unwavering note, the carpter soars off-stage and the next scene rises.

Scene 6:
The next scene arises centre stage, and on the bridge, which is still joined and lower to the stage this time. A massive battle, not unlike the first, is occuring. Fireballs of flame erupt over the stage and loud roars of thunder as the songs of war are sung by the Arturi army on one side and another on the other (The Songs of War). As the song goes on a series of loud explosions occur and a fireball, accompanied by a spiders web of electricity that lights on the bridge and stays that way, revealing at least five bodies scattered in its web, all twitching and screaming. Jorad spies this, climbs up to the bridge and places his hand on the lightning web and screams himself and as more explosions and fireballs occur in quick succession across the stage the offending army retreats off-stage and the spiders web dims and eventually fades entirely and Jorad picks up the body of a young man and screams for the Arturi army to regroup and fall back to their camp.

As the battle fades and lights up on the camp, there are many men injured and quite a few dead. All are strewn across the the set. Jorad is devestated and takes two of his remaining Generals into his War-room tent and the three discuss options open to them in light of the losses on their last battle and in the end they decide the best option is for a party to return to the Castle and draft every man and boy capable of fighting (Desperate Times, Desperate Measures). As the Generals go to gather a small party of about twenty, Jorad wonders whether he is doing the right thing, and briefly wonders what might do in his place, and of course the ghost, taking his mask off, Lethorian sings from his position on the bridge above the set that desperate times do indeed call for desperate measures (What Can I Do? ,Reprise).

Scene 7:
Thus a new scene arises as set pieces roll on and off stage, becoming a port on a beach several days later (Annaliesa does not yet know that Jorad plans to return and draft all men in the kingdom) where the prow of a ship can be seen, an old ship... almost like a gigantic wooden dinghy. There is also a wooden plank leading onto it. As we take this all in, a storm can be heard in the distance, and the elaborate Persian carpet (a gift from allies of the Arturi) swings onto stage, carrying Dordran and his mother (Dordran is still sleeping). As they land the boy wakes up and sees the ship and Annaliesa trying in song to make the young child understand why she has to send him away (Going Away). Dordran, reluctantly agrees, and the scene dies as the boat rises into the air amid glowing smoke and retreats into the darkness and our Queen then takes off back to the castle on the flying carpet, to sort things out with her army (Fly, Fly, Fly - Reprise).

Scene 8:
As lights up on the castle foyer, Jorad and his team of men are gathering every man and strong-looking boy and lining them up, inspecting them (Every Man's A Warrior). And as they begin to fit the line of men with their armour and set off Queen Annaliesa interrupts the proceedings to demand to know what they are doing. It is Jorad who answers this query and tells her that the Arturi army answer to him now (A Friendly Warning). As Jorad and the drafted men set off we begin our final set piece of the first act.

----------------------------------------------------------

Act 1 Epilogue:

In the castle foyer set, alone and consoled only by her maids, Queen Annaliesa sings a tormented lament detailing her fears for her Army and frustrations at the tearing apart of her loved ones as one by one they disappear from her life (Medley Part 1: What Becomes of The Broken Hearted? - Reprise). This is foillowed by Adelaide, who has just returned from being examined by The Healer only to confess to Annaliesa that she miscarried and the baby was born dead, as well a fretting over how to break the news to Jorad (Medley Part 2: Lonely Amongst Us - Reprise). The lights dim on this scene, but do not blacken.

The flying boat lights up once more and we see the young Dordran sitting at one of the glass-less windows in the hull, here it is night and Princess Annaliese sings in duet with him to not be frightened and that he isn't alone (as she is climbing down to the boat from the first half of the raised bridge set where the other dead Arturi, including Lethorian, are gathered to sing their warnings in unison), whilst the boy sings of his own fears at being sent so far away and praying to his sister in the sky that he will use this turn of events to the power to bring her back (Medley Part 3: A Child's Lament - Reprise). The Lights dim on this scene,but do not blacken.

As this song dies, the other half of the bridge set lowers to hang to the right of and below the first half, and in a single line along it are Jorad and his men plus the rest from the draft scene. They sing of the battles that await them and of a man's duty to his country and of the glory of battle, Lethorian joining them from the other bridge half (Medley Part 4: The Songs of War - Reprise). The lights remain up from this scene.
All the other scenes light up once again as all the songs merge into one final and resounding number about a future uncertain (Looking Forwards, Looking Back).



End of Act 1.

Act 1 Songlist:



1: The Poor Wizard (2:20 mins)
2: The War Song (3:15 mins)
3: A Child's Lament (1:50 mins)
4: The War Song - Reprise (1:25 mins)
5: Goodnight, My Friends... ~ Instrumental (1:15 mins)
6: The Retreat ~ Instrumental/Goodnight, My Friends... ~ Instrumental - Reprise (2:40 mins)
7: A Kingdom's Lament -- part 1 ~ Instrumental (1:35 mins)
8: A Kingdom's Lament -- part 2 (5:15 mins)
9: The Feast ~ Instrumental (3:10 mins)
10: Jorad's Advice (2:30 mins)
11: What Can I Do? (3:45 mins)
12: Your Fight Is Here (3:10 mins)
13: Bedtime Story (2:15 mins)
14: What Becomes Of the Broken-Hearted? (3:35 mins)
15: Salute The King (Of Battles Gone By) (2:55 mins)
16: Lonely Amongst Us (4:15 mins)
17: You Are Betrayed (1:30 mins)
18: Fly, Fly, Fly (0:55 mins)
19: The Songs of War (4:25 mins)
20: Desperate Times, Desperate Measures (1:45 mins)
21: What Can I Do? - Reprise (1:25 mins)
22: Going Away (2:40 mins)
23: Fly, Fly, Fly - Reprise (0:35 mins)
24: Every Man's A Warrior (2:55 mins)
25: A Friendly Warning (1:45 mins)
26: Medley Part 1: What Becomes of The Broken Hearted? - Reprise (2:35 mins)
27: Medley Part 2: Lonely Amongst Us - Reprise (3:12 mins)
28: Medley Part 3: A Child's Lament - Reprise (1:35 mins)
29: Medley Part 4: The Songs of War - Reprise (2:10 mins)
30: Looking Forwards, Looking Back (1:50 mins)


Total:

68 1/2 minutes.

Might be a bit long... what do you reckon? The second act I don't plan on going so long... may just shy of an hour, or maybe damn near on the dot.

Bringing the entire production to about 2hrs and 10 mins without interval. 2hrs and 30 mins with interval.

Just an update (sorry for taking so long, but I've got two shows I'm currently rehearsing for and one of which is my first prinicipal role, so I wanted to focus on those).

Now, I've been toiling for a bit on how I wanted to get from the end of the first act to Dordran's return to Castle Arturi.


I also am having trouble coming up with a suitable, and catchy title. Nothing I come up with works.

The only one that even remotely works is: Brothers: A Musical and lets face it... that hardly inspires the people to come out in droves, now does it?


Anyway, we'll work on that later.


Here is what I have come up with thus far for the second act.





Scene 11 - Act 2 Prologue:


Germany, Circa 2007

Lights up on the bar set once more as everyone is leaving... some still singing (The Poor Wizard - Reprise), and the adult Dordran is walking out of the door when the three backpackers tumble back into it, Dordran narrowly stepping away, followed by a gang of thugs who have been accosting and mugging them. The barman ducks behind the bar and when he reappears again he is carrying a bag and is filling it with the contents of the cash register. As he is about to hand it to the apparent leader of the gang, Dordran steps out from the shadow he had retreated to, and as soon as the gang see him they back away, fearing him for reasons we as yet do not know.

Dordran then looks at them grimly, and tells them to leave and never return or they face a repeat experience of their last attack on him. The gang retreats fast, and Dordran turns to the back-packers and tells them, in perfect English, to avoid seedy pubs such as the one they are now in, and that he is sorry they were attacked before he could help. Dordran then turns tail and walks off stage, leaving the young men bewildered. And as the scene fades into darkness, a drum-beat can be faintly heard.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 2:

Arturi Territory, Circa 1333


Scene 12:

Submerged in darkness the drum-beat, reminiscent of the one in THE WAR SONG, slowly builds up to a cresendo and instantly several men are thrown onto the stage by a massive blue fire-ball. They scarper as the figure who cast the fire, clad in black robes and a neutral mask of glittering Arturi colours, emerges from the blackness, his body seemingly melting into the shadows. As the men leave, the figure lowers his hood and removes his mask, it is JORAD, now middle-aged and his face weathered by pain and defeat. He sits down upon a similarly weathered and beaten stone slab, which as we look closely, turns out to be the very slab of signitures used previously in the funeral. It has aged terribly, as is partly covered in growing moss, and more signitures have been added.

Jorad begins to sing a sorrowful lament, the first true sadness we have seen him display, to his men in the sky, the stars he sees in the night. And as he prays his apologies at their deaths at his stead in the war of over a decade ago, they answer back as one by one, they appear around him, lighting up the set in a dim white. Jorad is sitting on the stone plinth that sits now at the gates to the Arturi castle, but the gates are in disrepair, and one hangs ghostily from his hinge. As more and more white figures appear throughout the set, they tell Jorad that even greater and more terrible battles remain to face, and that it will all end with the return of his younger brother, to the castle (Once A Soldier).

The song ends with Adelaide appearing at the gates, enquiring as to the disturbance. Jorad embraces her and tells her it was nothing, just the usual misfits poking fun at their misery. Adelaide tells him that Queen Annaliesa has good news for the both of them and wants them to come up to her bed-chambers to recieve it.

The ghostly figures lament one last time that the the return of Dordran is the death of the Arturi and their proud history (Something Wicked). And they slide of stage, the set returning once more to the darkness.


Scene 13:

They re-emerge on the lowered left half of the bridge set, where an elderly Anneliesa is lying on a bed. She is very frail, and very old now. Older than she should be. As Adelaide and Jorad sit on a series of chair beside her, she tells them that she has witheld a devestating secret from them there whole lives. She tells them that she has had an illness that only manifests itself with age... and illness that will mean she is likely to die any day now. Jorad and Adelaide protest, trying to find reasons for her delusions, but she silences them with a hand. She then tells them that she invited Dordran back to the castle so she can spend her last days with the people she loves most. And after pulling her eldest son in for a hug, the sound of distant humming is heard, getting louder and louder with every second until... BAM! Out of seemingly no-where a spiral of smoke and flame appears downstage and when it clears we see Dordran, all grown up now and resembling a much more confident and powerful version of the man in the bar. He trails a woman behind him, who he introduces to the others as his fiance Princess Leonora Alderforne of The Western Estates. The greetings between the two brothers however are a little more frozen, as they merely nod and shake hands without words. And as they part Dordran relieves Adelaide to show Leonora to her living quarters and then he and Jorad help their mother to her feet and she remarks they are a family once again (Reunited).

As they place her in her wheel-chair they push her across to a newly lit set... the long table that they had all once sat at upon the death of Jorad. Annaliesa is about to call for her servants to bring in a meal but Dordran waves it off and explains that he has seen and done much since he was spirited away all those years ago. To show them he waves his hands over the air above his section of the table and in a sprinkling of lights and a tinkle of sound dish after dish of food from around the world, to suit all tastes, appear on the table. It is Jorad who is most impressed by this masterful display of magic and asks Dordran just what happened to him when he deserted his people. Ignoring the snide remark on Jorad's part, Dordran tells them he can do one better and can arrange a small magical presentation for them.



Thats what I have so far. None of the songs are particularly long here...



The Poor Wizard - Reprise -- 30-50 seconds

Once A Soldier -- 1 minute 30-40 seconds

Something Wicked -- 50 seconds to 1 minute

Reunited -- 40 seconds to 1 minute.



The longest song so far in the show is the presentation Dordran gives to his family which is along the lines of that nightmare sequence in MISS SAIGON.

It will detail Dordran's journey (filtering out most of the darker things he's done, including murdering Leonora's parents in order to marry her.) from child, to man.

I anticipate this song and sequence to take no less than 9-10 minutes.



Flynn 19

Just a new song for you.


Something Wicked




The front of the storm has begun to form,
And all that you knew now begins to fall.
Your life is in ruins, and your kingdom decays.
It's day has gone, and there it will stay.
All the shrouds of the smoke and the wind-blown ash,
Are only the shadows of the fires that will crash.

Wickedness.
Hopelessness.
Emptyness.
Will be all that you know.

Lawlessness.
Hatefulness.
Uselessness.
Are now all you can show.

Pay close attention to your crumbling walls.
Notice your chambers, and kitchens and halls.
See how they rot, and see how die.
Turning to dust, and food for the flies.
The sun is now set, and night will everlast.
And all of your dreams soon fading too fast.

Wickedness.
Hopelessness.
Emptyness.
Will be all that you know.

Lawlessness.
Hatefulness.
Uselessness.
Are now all you can show.

And oh how we pity, and oh how we cry.
For your innocence, and for days gone by.
We you admired, and we whom you loved.
Mere spectres now, living high up above.
We see your path, twisting and dark.
A far cry from a child's wandering lark.

By the pricking of our thumbs.
By the sorrowful numb.
By the world now undone...
Something Wicked, This Way Comes!

By the pricking of our thumbs.
By the sorrowful numb.
By the world now undone...
Something Wicked, This Way Comes!




It still needs work.

But it's a start.



Tristan

I think you've made an awesome start there! How is the work going btw.?
I've been working on my Chronicles, which have been really consuming in addition to everything else, and don't even mention stage/publishing prospects. Sheesh. Anyway, best of luck and do continue to show it here. Perhaps you want to edit your posts, afterward, for copyright protection? I'm not saying someone here's going to pinch it, but I think it's an extra precaution for your sake.

Rock.


Good to hear from you.


Glad to hear you like it so far.


I probably don't get as much work done as I might like. I'm kept busy with The Theatre and work when the moment suits me. I had part of the first verse of that short song done long ago, but couldn't think of how to continue it. But then BAM. Like lightning it hits last night.

As to the story. Now I'm keeping the second act a bit lower key then the first. Jorad is hardened because they got their asses kicked and only he and his family survived.

Adelaide is apparently unable to have children after her miscarriage.

Top that off with Dordran hoping to confess his part in the death of his Sister being thwarted by Leonora killing Adelaide who overhears them talking about it. But not before she tells Jorad. Who attacks Dordran and Leonora, causing them to flee.

He leaves the castle to hunt them down, and poor old Queen is still powerless to stop it. She dies, in her sleep having trouble remembering who Adelaide's body belonged to.

So when Jorad returns to the castle, unsuccessful at capturing Dordran, he finds it empty and his mother dead. And he cremates her and adds her signiture to the stone slab.

Dordran and Leonora take refuge elsewhere and Dordran is so traumatised by what happened with his brother that Leonora has an easy task of seducing him into believing that they can restore the Arturi and win his brother's respect by taking the kingdom for themselves.

Then Dordran and Leonora return to find Jorad awaiting them, the cremated bodies of his mother and wife marked upon the ground. A fierce battle ensues as Dordran tries to force Jorad into submission. But it's Leonora who dies and a spell meant for Jorad hits her.

Dordran blames Jorad for her death and he attacks with re-newed ferocity, bringing his elder brother to his knees.

Jorad sees on opportunity to finish it all. He utters a spell, and dies in a bright flash of fiery light. And Dordran keels over, feeling the pain of all the dead Arturi bearing down upon him. He cries at finally noticing his mother's grave and that of his sister in law. And of the non-exisitence of hos brother.


This cuts to the final scene of the show. Dordran, the haggared version of himself, being stopped outside the pub by the backpackers. They ask him how he was able to ward off the criminals with a single glance. Dordran smiles and says they wouldn't believe if he told them. Then he turns tail and walks off, whistling 'A Child's Lament' which the entire cast begins to sing the reprise of.


A bit bare bones so far, but it has great potential once I flesh it out a bit.

Anywho, all best.


Tristan